My Motivation today

I was pretty excited when I realized I only had one appointment scheduled for today...and it wasn't until 5pm so I had all day to get some things done. I have a few things I need to accomplish for work for also a number of household things to accomplish.

But that was all thrown for a loop quite early in the day. A couple of months ago, my dad started feeling "off." He had a bunch of tests done and they found a mass near his bladder and prostate. Today was the scope to determine whether it was cancerous or not. I've known for a while today was the day of his scope and that I'd get the call with the results. But honestly, I never, even for a minute, thought it would be cancerous. I don't know why. I was so optimistic, probably to the point of being unrealistic.

And I'm sad to say that my dad has cancer.

We know it's on his bladder and not his prostate but they don't know anything else. He's having about 8 biopsies done to determine the type of cancer, etc. So we're still not sure the prognosis. Unfortunately, that's about all we know. I know just enough to make me worried sick in other words.

And my dad is a tough guy, not super emotional. He tells me he loves me but for the most part, he's a total jokester. I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen him cry in my lifetime. Today I didn't see it since I was talking with him on the phone, but to hear your dad cry the way I did this morning was... heart-breaking. He would cry then very quickly say, "But it's going to be just fine. You're healthy. You're happy. All my girls are health & happy and that's all that matters."

Needless to say, I didn't feel like doing much after that conversation. I talked to both of my sisters and we all cried... more out of fear and shock than anything. And I've pretty much sat in front of the TV just staring at stupid shows only half watching them for most of the day.

Then Michael came home for lunch with Mike (his coworker, who works out with us) and I decided to workout. I'm so glad I did! I needed the distraction and the activity. I did 3 rounds of 7 cleans (45#) with a 1/4 mile sprint. The WOD was harder than it should have been but it's been forever since I've worked out.

During the runs, all I kept thinking was, "F-you cancer" or "Screw you cancer." It definitely motivated me to run a little harder.